TO: Michael J. Drake, Head and Director, and others

FROM: PtyS/LPL Graduate Students

SUBJECT: The Last April Fools

Most of us may be too young to have seen the movie "The Last Picture Show". It was, in part, about the demise of a once venerable institution. It is in that context that the title of this memorandum should be read.

The aftermath of the recent field trip to Baja California was an unmitigated disaster! Relations between the department and the graduate students were damaged. Reputations were returned in truly filthy condition. There is extensive damage to goodwill and the general working atmosphere. While the final numbers are not yet available, the estimated cost of repairs is great.

While no accusations have been made of deliberate negligence, there are clear claims of irresponsible behavior. The traditional April Fools' Day pranks can be taken as further evidence of "irresponsibility." As a result, the April Fools' Day experience will change.

EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY, ALL GRAD-SANCTIONED AND - IMPLEMENTED PRANKS ARE SUSPENDED INDEFINITELY, PENDING THE OUTCOME OF THE FIELD TRIP HIATUS.

Depending on the outcome of the field trip hiatus, we may consider reinstating LPL pranks under new restrictions.

1. All pranks will be approved by the Director after submission of a detailed, written plan.

2. Grad student pranks will not be permitted to leave the atrium. All pranks must have proper tow points. In the event that, as late as sunrise on April 1st, a prank is found to violate these conditions, the Director will provide a preapproved prank from a previous year, such as relocating the kitchen or rerouting all phones to Joan's office.

3. The Department will purchase a set of tow chains, whoopie cushions, fake memos, and squirting flowers for emergency use. The Department will also purchase a spare air handler.

4. Each Director will sign a release form agreeing to abide by these and other University rules.