Top 10 Reasons Why the Faculty Search Is Taking So Long

  1. Bloody glove doesn't fit any of the candidates.

  2. Search Committee spending too much time on Bosnian peace treaty.

  3. None of the candidates drink beer.

  4. Having trouble securing that 1/8 appointment in Mideast Studies Department.

  5. Candidates won't agree to Jell-O wrestling portion of interview.

  6. Still waiting for DNA test results.

  7. TCC booked solid--no venue for final duel.

  8. None of the candidates appear to fulfill biblical prophecy.

  9. President Clinton keeps vetoing Search Committee's plan.

  10. Disputed results from evening gown competition.