Just before April 1 this year, rumors were flying that building security would be heightened to deter grad students from pulling pranks. As a result, little was done but the customary memos. Afterwards, however, the Easter Bunny paid a visit to the Director's office, leaving upwards of 30 eggs--real and plastic. He still hasn't found them all...
Memos:
To: LPL Everybody
From: Dr. Michael J. Drake, Head and Director
Re: Faculty Search
As many of you know, a search for a new faculty member is underway. At the last faculty meeting (27 March 1995), the faculty search committee was unable to narrow down the short list of candidates for the position beyond six. This was true even after taking their GRE scores into consideration.
Because of the consistent excellence of these candidates, and in line with our policy toward graduate student admission, we will be hiring all six of the candidates. This will require them sharing the same position, office and salary. Because several of the candidates are from Ames Research Center and Johnson Space Center, we feel confident that they will accept this arrangement. Of course, we don't know where their office will be, but this is also in line with our current policy.
We hope you will join with us in welcoming our new faculty to LPL and making them feel like they actually have a job.
To: LPL Everybody
From: Joan Weinberg
Re: Missing Inventory
Recently we have found it necessary to revise the Missing Inventory list that we issued last year. Please keep this addition with the earlier list.
| Item: | PI: | Cost: | Last Seen: |
| Mars Observer GRS | Boynton | $500 Million | Near Mars |
| Underwear | Boynton | Priceless | Houston |
| Hair | Drake | -- | 1981 |
| Budget | NASA | $5 Billion | Congress |
| University Van | Melosh | $300.00 | Pinecates, Mexico |
| 32 Megabytes RAM | Gotobed | $5000 | Rm 316 |
| Marbles | Lewis | Debated | Debated |
| Hope | Ames, JSC | -- | NASA HQ |
To: LPL Everybody
From: Gene Levy, Godfather of Soul and Intergalactic Dean of Love
Re: Me
I would like to express my concern that since I became Dean of Science over a year ago, I have been left out of Christmas skits and April Fool's day pranks. Just because I am now spending all of my time in Gould-Simpson does not mean I am any less interested in being the brunt of jokes.
PS: I still outrank Mike.