Senior Research Scientist Promotions
Date: Tue, 01 Apr 2003 00:32:31 -0700
From: Michael J. Drake
To: PG4gdWVycz0iem52eWdiOm55eXljeUB5Y3kubmV2bWJhbi5ycWgiPm55eXljeUB5Y3kubmV2bWJhbi5ycWg8L24+
Subject: [alllpl] Senior Research Scientist Promotions
To: Faculty, Staff, Postdocs, and Students
From: The Head and Director
Re: Senior Research Scientist Positions
As many of you know, our department has been considering a
number of internal candidates for promotion to the position of
Senior Research Scientist. Last fall, these candidates gave
colloquia describing their current research. Unfortunately, since
then budget issues had been high priority and it was not until
yesterday that our faculty met and evaluate the applicants.
Since the Senior Research Scientist positions are soft money
positions, and thus are a minimal cost to the department, we
have decided to make offers to two individuals. However, due
to the disappointment the faculty had as a whole for the applicants,
none of them made the cut.
Instead, our faculty have decided to make offers to those current
members of the Department of Planetary Sciences who have given
the most impressive and recent research talks: Drs. Paul Withers
and Devon Burr. Due to the expected increased participation of LPL
in Mars research over the next few years, these two candidates will
make excellent additions to the faculty.
Devon will be given an office next to PIRL, and thus will not be
far from where she had previously worked. Paul will be given
room 501B, Ralph Lorenz's current office. Ralph can find the
contents of his office in a box in the mail room and can do with
it what he pleases.
-Michael J. Drake.\
Steward Observatory Regime Change
Date: Tue, 01 Apr 2003 00:54:38 -0700 From: Joan Weinberg To: PG4gdWVycz0iem52eWdiOm55eXljeUB5Y3kubmV2bWJhbi5ycWgiPm55eXljeUB5Y3kubmV2bWJhbi5ycWg8L24+, PG4gdWVycz0iem52eWdiOm55eWZncmpuZXFAbmYubmV2bWJhbi5ycWgiPm55eWZncmpuZXFAbmYubmV2bWJhbi5ycWg8L24+ Subject: [alllpl] Steward Observatory Regime Change To: PG4gdWVycz0iem52eWdiOm55eWZncmpuZXFAbmYubmV2bWJhbi5ycWgiPm55eWZncmpuZXFAbmYubmV2bWJhbi5ycWg8L24+, PG4gdWVycz0iem52eWdiOm55eXljeUB5Y3kubmV2bWJhbi5ycWgiPm55eXljeUB5Y3kubmV2bWJhbi5ycWg8L24+ From: PG4gdWVycz0iem52eWdiOmhjcW5ncmZAbmZmYnB2bmdycWNlcmZmLmJldCI+aGNxbmdyZkBuZmZicHZuZ3JxY2VyZmYuYmV0PC9uPg== Re: Call for Regime Change at Steward Observatory In a speech prior to today's colloquium at the Lunar and Planetary Laboratory, Head and Director Michael J. Drake sharply denounced the tyrannical regime of Peter Strittmatter as head of the Steward Observatory at the University of Arizona. Drake said that unless Strittmatter stops research into Astrophysics of Mass Destruction and agrees to resign from power and be exiled to Psychology within 48 hours, LPL would lead a coalition of the willing to disarm him. Steward is in violation of GPSC resolution #1441 that it immediately cease research into deadly Astrophysical Events of Mass Destruction. GPSC inspections of SO computers have revealed disturbing, official research into such dangerous topics as supernovae, black holes, and quasars. A supernova within 100 light-years of the solar system would likely extinguish all multicelluar life on Earth. "We will not allow the University's most dangerous department to threaten the planet with the universe's most dangerous astrophysical events," Drake said. LPL recently lost the vote on a GPSC resolution to disarm Strittmatter peacefully when the French department irrationally vetoed all resolutions put forward. The French department has proposed an alternative plan whereby SIRTF would be placed on an Ariane 5G to be blown up, thus thwarting Steward's ambitious future plans. Tens of SO's elite 'Republican Grad' troops came over to LPL to surrender today. However, they were informed that they weren't qualified to be admitted to this department, and were turned away. Drake has implored the Steward undergraduates to rise up to fight the repressive Strittmatter rule, but there is no evidence of any rebellion yet. Steward Observatory has shown callous disregard for its own subjects, having used chemical weapons (rat poison) in repressing a rebellion by ethnic Red Squirrels in 1988. "Such madness must be stopped!" Drake proclaimed at a recent meeting to rally his faculty. In case hostilities begin, a number of reporters from the Daily Wildcat have been embedded inside Steward Observatory. They will provide day-to-day updates as events unfold.
Scientist Investigates Meteorite
Date: Tue, 01 Apr 2003 01:24:34 -0700
From: Joan Weinberg
To: PG4gdWVycz0iem52eWdiOm55eXljeUB5Y3kubmV2bWJhbi5ycWgiPm55eXljeUB5Y3kubmV2bWJhbi5ycWg8L24+
Subject: [alllpl] Scientist Investigates Meteorite
Joan:
Could you please forward this great publicity that reflects
well on the department to alllpl? Thank you!
- Dave
--------------------------------------------------------------
UA Scientist Investigates Meterorite
University of Arizona Press Release
Dr. David Kring, University of Arizona Professor of
Planetary Sciences and also a member of the geosciences
faculty, researcher at the Lunar and Planetary Laboratory,
head of the university's Space Imagery Center, and Principal
Investigator of a new Astrobiology grant, recently published
a paper about meteorite Northwest Africa 482 (NWA482) in the
prestigious journal _Meteoritics_and_Planetary_Science_. The
paper has been called "a scientific tour-de-force with
fundamental implications for all mankind" by NASA
administrator Sean O'Keefe. Dr. Kring took time out of his
busy schedule (he has 3 graduate students and one postdoc to
nurture, as well as teaching classes, doing cutting-edge
research, and bagging massive research grants) to talk to us
about these exciting developments.
"What we have done is looked at this [meteorite] in a
little more detail," said Kring. The researcher found that
"the Earth may have reached temperatures of 500 degrees
Fahrenheit." This discovery is deeply meaningful for most
Americans, and has brought prestige to the University of
Arizona's Department of Planetary Science, where Dr. Kring is
a professor. In fact, with exciting discoveries like this
one, Dr. Kring's 2000 Science paper on the Lunar Cataclysm
and his 1998 JGR paper on Chixulub modeling, this up-and-coming
professor will likely be promoted to Head and Director within
10 years.
(Dr. Kring performed this work in association with graduate
student Ingrid J. Daubar, who is the lead author of the article).
Faculty Sponsorships
Date: Tue, 01 Apr 2003 02:26:50 -0700
From: Michael J. Drake
To: PG4gdWVycz0iem52eWdiOm55eXljeUB5Y3kubmV2bWJhbi5ycWgiPm55eXljeUB5Y3kubmV2bWJhbi5ycWg8L24+
Subject: [alllpl] Faculty Sponsorships
To: Faculty, Staff, Postdocs, and Students
From: The Head and Director
Re: Faculty Sponsorships
As we are all aware, the university is suffering from a serious
budget crisis. All departments have been asked to make cuts,
and our department is no exception. We have been able to
make these cuts without having to lay anyone off or make any
drastic sacrifices.
However, in order for our department to be able to expand as
is expected to over the next few years, we need to find other
sources of money. Thus, various members of the faculty are
being sponsored by private companies to generate a budget
surplus for the department. These funds will be put to rewiring
the Campus Health Center and Flandrau Observatory when they
are annexed by LPL, as well as providing faster ethernet
connections for the department as a whole.
Below are a list of the faculty participating in this program and
the corresponding sponsors. Please patronize these sponsors
so that this alliance can be maintained for the necessary length
of time.
_Faculty_ _Sponsor_
Mike Drake (Head) Rogaine
Mike Drake (Director) Natural Light
Al Cameron Teen Magazine
Adam Showman AARP
Tom Gehrels Beef--it's what's for dinner
Bill Boynton Viagra
Bill Hubbard KISS
Jay Melosh The Core (movie)
Alfred McEwen Malin Space Science Systems
Uve Fink Enron
Don Hunten Gillette
Jay Holberg The Witness Protection Program
Rick Greenberg Laffs Comedy Club
-Mike Drake
Fond Farewell
Date: Tue, 1 Apr 2003 09:16:56 -0700 From: Joan Weinberg To: 'Alllpl' Subject: [alllpl] FW: fond farewell ******************************** Joan M. Weinberg Manager, Academic Affairs Department of Planetary Sciences Lunar and Planetary Laboratory The University of Arizona Tucson, AZ 85721-0092 (520) 621-2828 Fax (520) 621-5412 URL: www.Arizona.edu ****************************************** -----Original Message----- From: Alfred McEwen [mailto:PG4gdWVycz0iem52eWdiOnpwcmpyYUBjdmV5em52eS55Y3kuTmV2bWJhbi5SUUgiPnpwcmpyYUBjdmV5em52eS55Y3kuTmV2bWJhbi5SUUg8L24+] Sent: Tuesday, April 01, 2003 9:06 AM To: Joan Weinberg Subject: fond farewell Joan, Please distribute to alllpl. Alfred Dear friends and colleagues, I've had a wonderful seven years at LPL and PIRL, and it has been a great honor to be associated with all of you. The Galileo/Io discoveries were fiery. HiRISE is now my highest priority. As you know I've struggled with this challenge and my lack of experience as a flight PI. Probably you all saw this coming. I've formally accepted the position of Junior Research Scientist at Malin Space Science Systems, beginning May 5, the anniversary of my dissertation defense. Mike Malin, my former PhD advisor and president of MSSS, will provide me with the guidance I need to adequately lead HiRISE. My very best wishes to all of you for the future, Alfred Alfred S. McEwen Director, Planetary Image Research Lab Lunar and Planetary Lab Associate Professor, Planetary Sciences University of Arizona phone: 520-621-4573 P.O. Box 210092 fax: 520-621-9628 1629 E. University Blvd. PG4gdWVycz0iem52eWdiOnpwcmpyYUB5Y3kubmV2bWJhbi5ycWgiPnpwcmpyYUB5Y3kubmV2bWJhbi5ycWg8L24+ Tucson, AZ 85721-0092 USA
SO's rebuttal
Date: Tue, 1 Apr 2003 12:47:13 -0700
From: Joan Weinberg
To: Alllpl
Subject: [alllpl] SO's rebuttal
-------- Original Message --------
From: Chris Impey
To: PG4gdWVycz0iem52eWdiOnBxdm5tZnZ5aW5AbXJhYi5uZi5uZXZtYmFuLnJxaCI+cHF2bm1mdnlpbkBtcmFiLm5mLm5ldm1iYW4ucnFoPC9uPg==
----- Begin Included Message -----
NOAO/KPNO/NSO,
DEPARTMENT OF ASTRONOMY
AND STEWARD OBSERVATORY
AND NRAO
The University of Arizona
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
SPECIAL COLLOQUIUM
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
DR. COLIN POWELL
U.S. Secretary of State,
on leave at Steward Observatory
"A New Hegemony in the Universe"
Abstract:
According to current cosmological theories, the fundamental basis of
the universe is a single super-force, located in Steward Observatory.
This has even been acknowledged by the maverick theorists of LPL, who
are poorly placed to understand global forces since they only study
tiny bits of rock. In this talk, the outline of a new world order will
be presented. In accordance with the ideal of multilateralism, hegemony
of the entire solar system will be ceded to LPL, leaving the remaining
99.9999999999999999999999999% of the universe to Steward Observatory.
Tuesday, April 1, 2003
4:00 p.m.
Steward Observatory
Lecture Hall Room N210
****Refreshments at 3:30PM in the Lobby****
----- End Included Message -----
The memos were really flying this year. Mike Drake announced the promotion of Devon and Paul to the long-vacant Senior Research Scientist positions (email). Steward Observatory suffered a regime change (email). Dave Kring issued another press release (email). Mike Drake announced industrial sponsorships for certain faculty (email). Even Alfred McEwen joined in (email).
Steward tried to send a rebuttal email to alllpl, but couldn't even work out how to use the mailing list. Dummies.
Some posters related to the sponsorship were put up around the atrium. Does anyone have pictures of that?
Steward put some LPL/Agriculture merger posters around the building. Didn't we do that to them last year? Continued delays to SIRTF led to the discovery of the corpse of SIRTF over by Steward. The cleaners got to that one pretty quickly.