This year, we had plenty of ideas but a shortage of personpower. The Atrium was the prime target. Larry Lebofsky's hanging Orion mobile was draped with women's underwear (see memo 5) and the glass brick wall was covered with a faculty crossword puzzle. You can see the crossword puzzle and clues at the bottom.
Memos:
To: LPL Everybody
From: Dr. Michael J. Drake, Head and Director
Re: Building Construction
As you may know, the Lunar and Planetary Laboratory has been pressed for space even with the most recent expansion of 1992-1993. Happily, with the continued federal budget woes that astronomy has been suffering and the threatened closure of many telescopes on Kitt Peak, NOAO has been forced to sell their building on Cherry Street to the University. Thanks to the tireless efforts of Dean Levy and myself, we at LPL have been granted this space.
Beginning Monday, April 8, construction will begin to connect the former NOAO bulding to the Kuiper Building. Accordingly, all parking on Hawthorne Street is prohibited. The air handlers will also be out. Joan will again be in charge of all facets of the construction.
Thank you for your patience in the coming 18 months.
To: LPL Everybody
From: Dr. Michael J. Drake, Head and Director
Re: New Classes
With the continued interest in undergraduate education that the state government is showing, the Department of Planetary Sciences is pleased to announce the availability of the following new classes. These classes are designed to increase the number of undergraduate contact hours taught by the department and continue the tradition of excellence in undergraduate teaching for which we are unjustly famous.
PTYS 101: Three Credits of an Easy A This class will have no subject matter, and will consist of three lecture hours per week spent doing homework for other, more demanding classes.
PTYS 102: Study Hall This class follows up on PTYS 101, and allows students who have taken that class to continue their LPL experience.
PTYS 103: Introduction to Dyanamics (Hubbard) No description available.
PTYS 104: Care and Feeding of Your Penetrator (Boynton) No description printable.
PTYS 108: Free Wildcat Basketball Tickets (Larson) Hal Larson has thoughtfully diverted money intended for PTYS 106 into overpriced Wildcat tickets. These will be given away free at the first class.
PTYS 109: Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintainance First half of semester-- Zen (Lewis). Second half of semester-- Motorcycle maintainance (Jokipii)
PTYS 301: Voyuerism in the Solar System: Remote Sensing of Heavenly Bodies Exploration of chasms and eye-popping mountain chains.
PTYS 394A: Drinking With Graduate Students(Melosh/Drake) Field trips taken to sites of zymurgical interest.
PTYS 450: Planetary Sciences and Sex Lab section available for honors students.
As you can imagine, I am tremendously excited by the opportunities for increased contact hours these classes offer. I hope you will take advantage of this chance for blatant pandering and design some new classes yourself, cancelling any graduate classes to free up some extra time if necessary.
To: LPL Everybody
From: Dr. Michael J. Drake, Head and Director
Re: Theft Prevention
As many of you know, the campus in general and LPL specifically have been bedeviled by thefts in the past year. At a recent faculty meeting, some support was given to installing video cameras around the building as a deterrent to theives.
I am happy to report the first tests with a camera built by Peter Smith to be a success. The camera was hidden in the 3rd floor women's room for the last several months, and no thefts in the women's room have been reported since installation. I have personally viewed and reviewed the images returned by the camera and must comment on their high quality, excellent resolution and ability to maintain focus even at very high magnifications. Some of these images are available for viewing on the IMP World Wide Web page.
Congratulations again to Peter Smith and the IMP team. With the conclusion of this test, cameras will be installed in women's rooms throughout the building.
To: LPL Everybody
From: Dr. Michael J. Drake, Head and Director
Re: Legislative Hearings
The Arizona legislature is once more meeting to discuss the budget for the state's three universities. There will again be a hearing to gain opinions from the university community. The hearing will be at 3 PM today, in the Arizona Ballroom. Please lend your support and attend! Unfortunately, I cannot be there, as I have an important meeting scheduled.
The hearing has been moved. It is now scheduled to take place in Yuma at 10 AM today. While this is a long drive, it is well worth your time to help stand up for university funding. I unfortunately will not be there, as I think Yuma is a pit.
The hearing has been moved once more. It is now scheduled to take place in my office at 1 PM. I unfortunately will not be there, as I will be busy dictating memos.
To: LPL
From: Dr. Larry Lebofsky
Re: Atrium Art
You may notice a change in the Orion mobile hanging in the atrium. To give the atrium a more personal touch, I have solicited undergarments from various members of the faculty and staff. They have all taken the project to heart (so to speak) and have become intimately involved. Hanging from the atrium ceiling now is a little bit of each of them. Further donations to this project will be gratefully accepted at my office or in my mailbox. Please wear and donate as soon as possible.
Thanks to Bill Boynton, Chris Capobianco, Mike Drake, Dan Durda, Bob Jedicke, Dave Kring, Jonathan Lunine, Jay Melosh and Jim Scotti for their thoughtful and revealing donations.
The LPL Faculty Crossword Puzzle!
Across:
- 1. Sabbatical on Dagobah?
- 2. Includes the 90% below water
- 4. Shoe size DDD
- 6. Ice guys finish last
- 7. Victory without tea?
- 9. Dabbles in occult?
- 11. Beneath Boynton
- 13. Holy filters, Batman!
- 14. Will wear women's clothing for a fee
- 16. Hasn't discovered a single comet
- 17. The other white meato
- 18. Following in buffalo's hooves?
- 19. Six consecutive poker losses
- 20. Stealing home
- 21. One who dessles
- 23. Planning on Titanic descent
- 25. 4 needs a wide one
- 26. With wife, had bad 70's TV show
- 27. Impish grin?
Down:
- 1. Starving artist?
- 3. Time is on his side
- 4. Second fiddle to Mercedes
- 5. Where the boyz are
- 6. In faculty, not nose
- 8. Easy rider, hard grader?
- 9. Don Juan?
- 10. There's thirteen to his dozen
- 12. ...just want to have fun
- 15. Takes undergrads to the far side?
- 20. Every silver lining has a cloud
- 22. ABBA ABBA CDE CDE
- 24. Check out the instrument on him!
Click on the puzzle for the answers!