Bratfest XVIII: The American Gastronomical Society

American Gastronomical Society, Division for Planetary Sausages


Bratfest 18

Geochemical and Microfossil Evidence for Early Bratfest on Mars

Well, Bratfest 18 has come and gone. It was great; it was greater than merely great. It was GREAT. Big thanks to everyone who braved the unusually cold and wet night to join our unique brand of revelry. We estimated an attendance of about 250 people! For everyone's viewing pleasure, there are LOTS of pictures online, as well as the complete poster presented at the DPS meeting. Happy browsing!

The original electronic invitation

(please don't send any more reservations!)

Saturday, October 26, 1996
6 PM (ad infinitum)

Bratfest is a long and honored tradition of classic partying. 
The graduate students at LPL have been providing Southern Arizona with "a taste of the old country" for over 17 years.

We Provide Everything: unlimited supplies of bratwurst, corn-on-the-cob, cheesecake, sauerkraut, cheese, lots of beers and sodas, and of course, dance music so you can shake it all night long.
You Provide: yourself, family, and friends.

We ask that you consider a modest ($5) donation toward the large (>$6000!) expenses. Better still: Please become a Bratfest Sponsor by donating $20 per person or family to support our worthy cause. Please make any checks out to Jennifer Grier, not to Bratfest.

Commemorative Bratfest T-Shirts will be available at the DPS meeting beforehand (look for the Bratfest poster display) and also at the party itself. This year's shirts are available in sandwashed brick or natural, with a design commemorating the recent discovery of evidence for early Bratfest on Mars. View the fabulous design here! T-shirts are only $15 ($12 for children's sizes)! We will have a limited number of children's large and adult XXL sizes, so please reserve these in advance.

As always, Bratfest will be held at Hawthorne House, conveniently located only 1.5 miles from the University, and about 5 miles from the Convention Center. Maps and carpool information will be available at the DPS meeting.


Please return an indication of interest to the Bratfest organizers as soon as possible, so that we can get a ballpark head count and buy enough to feed everyone!

Requested information:

		Name _____________________________________________

		Email address ____________________________________

		Total in my party ________________________________

		Reserve T-shirts (please give sizes) ______________

		Request dance song here ___________________________

Dance song requests!

Hocus Pocus Focus
Burning Down the House Talking Heads
Rock Lobster B-52's
Mirror in the Bathroom English Beat
Suddenly Bogmen
I'm Just A Sweet Transvestite Rocky Horror Picture Show
Come On Eileen Dexy's Midnight Runners
Jungle Love Steve Miller Band
In the Mood Benny Goodman
Celebrate Kool and the Gang
Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic The Police
Funkytown Lipps Inc.
Nessun Dorma  
Dancing With Myself Billy Idol
Ring of Fire Wall of Voodoo
Freedom D. J. Bobo
Satisfaction Rolling Stones
Naked and Famous The Presidents of the USA
O Fortuna (remix) Apotheosis
L. A. Woman The Doors
3 AM Eternal KLF
You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) Dead or Alive
Cotton Eye Joe Rednex
German Beer-drinking music  
something La Bouche
Dead Man's Party Oingo Boingo
Bust a Move Young MC
Sweet Dreams Eurhythmics
  REM or ZZ Top
1999 The artist formerly known as Prince
Time Warp Rocky Horror Picture Show


  • Fill out and return this electronic form, or email the requested information to PG4gdWVycz0iem52eWdiOm9lbmdzcmZnQHZjZy55Y3kubmV2bWJhbi5ycWgiPm9lbmdzcmZnQHZjZy55Y3kubmV2bWJhbi5ycWg8L24+.
  • Fax the requested information to (520) 621 -4933, c/o Bratfest.
  • Snail mail the requested information plus your sponsorship donation to:
    Bratfest 18
    3002 E. Hawthorne St.
    Tucson, AZ 85716 USA

The fabulous T-shirt design

Here it is at last... The tee shirt design for the 1996 Bratfest, "Geochemical and Microfossil Evidence for Early Bratfest on Mars," presented at the 1st meeting of the American Gastronomical Society Division of Planetary Sausages.

(Just wait'll we get around to writing a bogus paper... You'll be sorry.)

The front design, pictured below, depicts Fig.1, "Rare-food abundances for HH-96001 normalized to the CI carbonaceous chondrite Orgueil." Note the whacking great Europium anomaly. This sample is otherwise clearly enriched in traditional Bratfest food elements, ie., Saladium-P, Butterium, Cheesium, Cornium, Krautium, Beerium, and Bratium.

Geochemical and Microfossil Evidence for Early Bratfest on Mars

The back design shows an actual 20 GV electron micrograph taken of HH-96001. The caption reads, "Electron micrograph of putative Bratfest inclusion shows microfossil remnants of an early, prehistoric Martian Bratfest."

Geochemical and Microfossil Evidence for Early Bratfest on Mars

This evidence cannot be ignored! There was an early Bratfest on Mars!

Tee Shirt Colors

The tee shirts are printed on one of two shirt colors. The first is a mostly-neutral, off-white, light beige, putative 'natural' color. The second is a rather nice stone-washed, mottled red color. It's light enough that the black ink will actually show up on it. (Technically, it's not really 'stone' washed. It's 'sand' washed, which results in a much cooler texture.)

Nerd Alert!

Wow, is this nerdy! We've taken the liberty of preparing a special Adobe Acrobat PDF version of the tee shirt design! Holy cow! You can download it right now, print it out, pin it to your shirt, and pretend that you already have your BratWear! Your friends will be envious.

Download the T-Shirt Design (PDF) file!

One small note, however. Do not use this PDF for evil, or we'll come after you. Read the readme note, which is built into the file.

If you don't have Adobe Acrobat Reader, you can download it from Adobe Systems Incorporated today!

The DPS poster Geochemical and Microfossil Evidence for Early Bratfest on Mars

The American Gastronomical Society, Division for Planetary Sausages presents Geochemical and Microfossil Evidence for Early Bratfest on Mars

Clemmett, Gibson, and McKay looking at a poster

Clemmett, Gibson, and McKay found our results intriguing...

The DPS 1996 meeting was held in Tucson, in October, just coincidentally (not) timed with Bratfest. This was our promotional poster, a modification of McKay et al's now-famous paper about putative life on mars.

well as buying lots of T-shirts!).Thanks to the team of McKay et al. for providing inspiration and being such good sports (as

Clemmett, Gibson, and McKay posing in front of a poster


In examining the martian meteorite HH96001 we have found that the following evidence is compatible with the existence of past Bratfests on Mars:

(i) an igneous Mars rock (of unknown geologic context) unique in experiencing beerious alteration along fractures and pore spaces and exhibiting microbrew structures;

(ii) a formation age for condiment globules younger than the age of the rock;

(iii) SEM and TEM images as well as taste tests of condiment globules and features resembling terrestrial bratwurst;

(iv) carbonaceous corndrule particles that could have resulted from oxidation reactions known to be important in terrestrial Bratfest systems; and

(v) the presence of BEANs (biochemically emissive aromatic nodules) associated with surfaces rich in condiment globules and thought to be responsible for noxious outgassing of the meteorite.

None of these observations is in itself conclusive for the existence of past Bratfests. Although there are alternative explanations for each of these phenomena taken individually, when they are considered collectively, particularly in view of their spatial association, we conclude that they are evidence for primitive Bratfests on Mars.

High-resolution Swilling Electron Microscope (SEM) image showing elongate features associated with HH96001 condiment globules. Both the putative brats and corns are clearly several orders of magnitude smaller than their terrestrial counterparts, but studies of terrestrial Bratfests have never been conducted at this scale.

Microbrats and nanocorn in a potato salad matrix


True-color Beer-Swilling Electron (BSE) image of fractured surface of a chip from HH96001 meteorite showing grasshopper cheesecake breccia. Scale bar is 0.1 millibrats.

Chocolate chips and graham cracker crust in a mint cheesecake matrix

BSE image and Edible Microprobe maps showing the concentration of five condiments (ketchup, horseradish, mustard, barbecue sauce, relish) within a globule from HH96001. The condiment maps show that the globule is chemically zoned. Scale bars for all images are 20 microbrats.

Average mass spectrum of condiments ketchup, relish, mustard, horseradish, and barbecue sauce


Averaged mass spectrum of trapped gases from the interior of HH96001. The components show clear evidence of a party atmosphere on Mars.

Mass (Atomic Brat Units) vs Signal Intensity


Idealized stratigraphic section of Martian crust based on findings from HH96001.

Origin of Solar System > End of heavy bombardment > Eearliest Bratfest > Bill Merline enters grad school; first reported terrestrial Bratfest > Bill Merline graduates > Present

Your hosts as ever, the residents of Hawthorne House

At one point during the evening, we got everyone in attendance who'd ever lived at Hawthorne House to group together for a photo. Unfortunately, I suck at photography, so apologies for cutting off the sides.

Attendees of Hawthorne House

Numbered outlines of attendees

  1. Bob Howell
  2. Laszlo Keszthelyi
  3. John Spencer
  4. Dana Backman
  5. Dave Grinspoon
  6. Cynthia Phillips
  7. Andy Rivkin
  8. Will Grundy
  9. Kim Cyr
  10. Doyle Hall
  11. Bill Bottke
  12. Bill Merline
  13. Bob Marcialis
  14. Jim Head
  15. Bob Reid
  16. Nick Schneider
  17. Gordon Bjoraker

Cheesecake night pictures

The night before Bratfest, the grad student crew of LPL become expert cheesecake makers. We use only the finest ingredients to make all the cheesecakes that will be at Bratfest, from recipes created for the occasion by Faith Vilas, Bob Marcialis, Ellen Howell, and others through the years. In 1996, we made close to 60 cheesecakes! As you can imagine, all this work requires a little respite, so the evening's "Cheesecake Party" has developed a life of its own. Thanks to everyone who contributed their time and energy!

We had a great turnout at Bratfest this year. Here's a sampling of who was there! We're embarassed to say we just don't know the names of everyone in these pctures. If you see yourself or someone you know with a ? as a name, please let us know!!!